“It is not enough to love the young. They must know and feel that they are loved.”
—St. John Bosco.
Very young children need to be loved from all angles. Here are massive lists of ideas for how to use love languages for babies and toddlers, as well as how you can troubleshoot love language problems and use love languages to teach kids to love God.
If there’s one thing a mother knows, it’s love. She does her best to fill the house with it. A mother also has an acute knowledge of her children—she notices little patterns in their behavior and responses throughout the day that make her especially tuned to see what things most fill them with joy.
There’s a popular belief that all people respond primarily to one or two of five love languages, a term popularized by Gary Chapman in several books. Love languages for babies and toddlers follow the same categories, and so are a tool mothers can use in understanding the dynamics of their families.
What are love languages?
The five are
- Acts of service: These people feel most valued when others go above and beyond for them.
- Physical touch: These people truly feel love when it is expressed in a literally tangible way, like a hug or high-five.
- Quality time: These people feel connection best when spending time with loved ones.
- Receiving gifts: These people value physical items as signs of others’ thoughtfulness and love.
- Words of affirmation: These people feel valued when others praise their specific traits or accomplishments.
I have not read the books behind the fad, so I am not an expert. But I am a mom, and so love is of particular interest to me. Everyone ought to feel loved, and most especially children as they grow to discover themselves and the world.
Young children in particular need love in all five languages. Not only does it strengthen family bonds and boost their self-confidence, it teaches them how to show love to others.
How do I know my child’s love language?
What is my child’s love language? Identifying love languages for babies and toddlers is a low-stress, low-stakes process.
If you have an older child or a toddler, you probably already have an inkling when you think about what she craves and how she shows love herself. Does your son constantly hang on you looking for cuddles? He might be seeking physical touch. Does your daughter beg you to read one more story every night? She might enjoy quality time best.
Some love languages are a little more difficult to identify, especially if they don’t align with your own. For example, my smart and capable two-year-old daughter is constantly whining for help with simple tasks. She also loves to help me with chores around the house, so I can see she shows and responds to acts of service.
If your child seems to fit into multiple categories, I wouldn’t get hung up on pinning him down. First, there’s a lot of overlap. A child who loves sitting in your lap to look at books might like the physical touch, the quality time, the gift of a new book, the service of telling them a story, or the words of praise when they point to the pictures and make proto-word sounds. Second, young children need to be loved from every angle: all five languages.
Do babies have love languages?
Well…perhaps yes, but no. A baby might have a particular preference for speech or touch, but they need to be given all five languages for their own development. A lot of these (like acts of service) are covered out of necessity. Babies need touch, speech, food and playthings, time with parents, and simply to be taken care of. Obviously you can’t rely on words of affirmation and neglect the rest.
The Trouble with Love Languages
At first glance, love languages might seem limiting. If you use this knowledge to pigeonhole your child into a category and show love in only one way, you would be missing the point.
Instead, especially for very young children like babies and toddlers, use these lists as idea banks to create a well-rounded loving environment in your family. Teach your children to speak all five languages! And at the same time, observe their responses to get to know and understand them better. No action is wasted; even an action in a language that’s not their primary one is still an act of love.
When to pull out the love language tools
Randomly and regularly, you should show love to your children. But having some extra-effective ideas in your back pocket can help when your child is acting out, feeling sick, or struggling with something, will help you be prepared for hard times.
Often, kids misbehave when they have a need, whether that’s something physical like hunger or sleep, or an intangible desire for love and security. I find that my kids struggle less to behave at Mass or other more formal occasions when I remember to whisper in their ears or caress their shoulders before they get impatient and start to misbehave.
Love languages for the Faith
As a parent, it is also your job to raise your children to love God. This can be tricky—God doesn’t show up on holidays like grandparents with hugs and gifts. We can use our children’s love languages to help them understand what Jesus has done to show His love.
Love language ideas
In this series of posts I will dive into each love language in depth with an eye to showing love to babies and toddlers. I recommend clicking through all of them to skim the idea lists. Not only is it best to show your love to your children in a variety of ways, but there are problems that arise with each love language as well, and so cross-pollinating with secondary love languages can help to fill in the gaps.
For young children, you should show all five love languages. Why might you need a list? Because sometimes we are tired and go on autopilot, and it’s good to have reminders or ideas of different loving gestures without having to come up with them ourselves.
Here’s my challenge to you: this week, pick two or three ideas from each list to show your kids. Watch their responses, and repeat, incorporating more ways of loving until you are fluent in all five languages!
Click the links below for massive lists of ideas for using love languages for babies and toddlers, as well as tips, troubles, and detailed notes:
Where to Start?
If you want to hit as many love languages as possible, here are some ideas to incorporate regularly:
- Make (or buy) him a little book about his patron Saint and read it together.
- Go for a walk with her in a carrier and talk about all the things she notices. Bring home a souvenir leaf or stick.
- Go to daily Mass, hold him close, and whisper about what you see and how much God loves Him.
- Visit those in need together, especially the elderly. Make or pick out a treat to bring together before you go.
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