Talk is cheap, so how can we speak to our children in ways that build them up emotionally and spiritually?
Is my child’s love language words of affirmation?
Signs that it might be include saying “I love you” all the time throughout the day. It was hilarious the other day to hear my daughter say when my husband was driving, “You turned left, Dada. Good job.” A words-of-affirmation kid might also frequently ask you to watch what he is doing or rush to show you a picture she drew or a tower he built, looking for your approval.
Words of Affirmation for Babies
If your baby is intrigued by watching your mouth moving or listening to you sing, she might be showing signs of a words-of-affirmation love language. She might push away from cuddles so she can see your face, or quiet down when you make interesting noises so she can hear better.
Babies need words, period. Make a habit of narrating your day, or at least talk and sing with every diaper change. Baby talk, with its over-emphasized sounds, is especially helpful, so lean into that instinct!
The Power of Words
Fortunately, words of affirmation are easy to toss out. It just takes presence of mind to remember to do it and to be genuine. My kids continually amaze me as they grow and develop, so I have no trouble commenting on their successes and all the delightful things they do. I have to work harder to remember to praise the quiet moments, such as thanking them for behaving at Mass or being respectful at the dinner table.
Some people say you should not outright praise your children, instead substituting exclamations like, “You tried really hard!”
While I do praise my kids’ trying, I also praise their doing. I think they should be proud of a job well done. I have also heard that what you say to your child becomes their inner voice when they get older, so I want it to be bursting with positivity.
In addition, whenever you speak to your children, you are teaching them how to communicate. If I point out all sorts of wonderful things about my children, I hope that they will grow up to speak to others with exuberant kindness.
Teaching the Faith
Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Deuteronomy 6:7
Parents are the first teachers. Perhaps most strongly we teach through our actions, but when we intentionally teach our children about the faith, most often we use words. Repetition of words and phrases can be especially fruitful in toddlers who are attuned to our words. Check out the Baltimore Catechism and Bible verse ideas below for some pithy phrases your toddler can learn by heart.
Here are Some Ideas for Babies and Toddlers:
- Speak to him directly, at eye level, whenever you can.
- Praise her often for trying new things, working hard, or doing a task well and quickly.
- Praise him for innate things “I love your brown eyes. Your big smile makes me happy. What a handsome boy!”
- Offer specific praise when you can, rather than generic.
- Let her overhear you praising them to someone else… or just into the air.
- Talk with other people about how great she is, or recount kind things she has done.
- Say “I love you” without prompt or caveat.
- Make eye contact when talking to him.
- Teach him sign language for “I love you,” or make up your own sign like three taps.
- Read books together. Put your ankle on your knee and put your little one in the crook of your other knee so she can see your face as you read.
- Make up songs about how great he is.
- Tell her who she is. Remind her, “You are kind. You are a good big sister. You are responsible.”
- Bless your child, and pray over him.
- Express gratitude: “I’m thankful I get to play with you every day.”
- Pair correcting language with praise: “You are doing so well kicking that soccer ball! Make sure you let your brother have a turn.” And save correction for in private if possible.
- Tell him when he makes you happy.
- Ask her what she likes about other people to encourage her to verbalize her own love.
- Read him special stories or poems, just for him.
- Tell her why you love her.
- Have silly nicknames for each other.
Words of Affirmation to Grow in the Faith
- Memorize Bible verses together. Here are some that feel like words of affirmation from God Himself: Romans 8:37, Romans 8:17, John 15:15-16, Jeremiah 1:5, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Isaiah 43:1, Psalm 139:14, Ephesians 2:10, 1 Peter 2:9.
- Read Bible stories and lives of the Saints together.
- Compliment her quietly at Mass when she pays attention.
- Teach him hymns, chants, and other religious songs.
- Say hello to images of our Lord and Lady in your home as you go by.
- Talk to her about how Jesus loves her.
- Visit the homebound or those in a nursing home—older people love to shower compliments on little kids! And teach him about how God instructs us to love others.
- Make or buy a little book for her about her patron Saint and read it together.
- Have a special prayer you pray together every day.
- Study the faith together.
Do you have any other ideas to add? Comment below!
Check out the other posts in the series here:
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